Prematurity Awareness Day

Today is Prematurity Awareness Day. All day I have been reminiscing & looking at pictures from when my sweet little baby girl was born.




Anniston was born 6 weeks premature and only weighed 4lbs 15oz! She was born just shy of 34 weeks & had to stay in the NICU for 12 days. Looking back now, those 12 days while she was in the NICU were some of the most emotional & grueling times in my life.

In honor on Prematurity Awareness Day, the March of Dimes has asked bloggers to share their story... so here is mine about the emotional roller coaster a parent can go through when their sweet baby is born entirely too soon...




When you give birth to a little baby, you are filled with so many emotions... happiness, joy, excitement... but when you have just given birth to a premature baby, your happiness is a little clouded with worry, concern, and SO many questions {Will my baby be okay? Is this a life-threatening issue? Will there be any side effects as a result of being born early? How do I care for a preemie when I barely know how to care for a healthy baby?}





Being pregnant, you create this life inside of you & carry it around everyday for months... you and your baby grow together with every kick, every trip to the bathroom, and every hiccup... that baby IS a part of you... then the day comes that you have dreamed about for so long. You FINALLY get to meet that little person you helped create & spent hours in labor trying to bring into this world... and then, like a flash, you get a quick glimpse of her and then she's taken away... to the NICU... and your left feeling so empty and uncertain...





I remember my first trip to visit her in the NICU after she was born... it was HOURS after delivery, I was tired & in pain... I turned the corner to see my sweet baby girl and she was covered in wires, monitoring devices, & an IV. She had a bandage on her foot from where they drew blood. There was tape-residue on her sweet little face because she riped off her feeding tube... it was a sight the entire time being pregnant that I did not picture for my sweet baby... it is a sight you don't wish any parent to see...





The days following are still so vivid... I remember being released from the hospital and having to leave her there while I went home empty-handed. My sister-in-law came to pick me up & I cried basically the whole way home & until my husband got home from work... I remember being in so much pain the days to follow because I refused to take my pain medicine so I could drive to the hospital to be with my little girl... I was there every day... most days I spent just sitting in front of her incubator while she slept just staring at her and crying...





I remember the feeling when out of no where, the alarms on her heart monitor would go off & in seconds being surrounded by nurses and all I could do was stand there completely helpless just praying "Please God! Please get her heart rate back up!"... I will probably never forget the sound of those alarms...





I remember the first time getting to hold her... I was filled with so many emotions that my hands were trembling & being so scared because she was so tiny! I remember how painful it was for me to hold her because I was still not healed after delivery & being on bed rest for so long but I was determined to hold her as long as they would let me no matter how bad I was hurting...





I will always remember that feeling of NOT being able to hold her too!! Having to be at home while she had to stay in the NICU was like being in my own prison... I remember spending a lot of time at home sitting in her nursery in the rocking chair, listening to a lullaby CD, & looking at her pictures on my phone... I remember how it felt the times that I WAS allowed to hold her in the NICU... that feeling of being watched while trying to bond with your new baby... I couldn't wait to bring her home just so I could finally cuddle my sweet little baby girl without someone looking over my shoulder... That's probably why I spend most of my days now holding her, hugging her, kissing her, & smelling her because I know that feeling of not getting to do those things...



I know all these bittersweet memories I have of Anniston in the beginning weeks of her life are things that I will always remember and feelings I do not wish a parent ever to experience... We are so blessed that our sweet little preemie will be 4months old this week & doing well but the sad truth is that 1 in 8 babies born in the U.S. are born premature and that premature birth is the #1 killer of newborns. Please donate to the March of Dimes (http://www.marchofdimes.com/) to help them improve the health of babies who are born to soon so that a parent never has to have these feelings again...